this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
You were trust falling into bushes
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
