dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
