I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
