the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
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