fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
