you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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