He had one of those small greek statue penises
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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