I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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