Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
As shirtless as possible
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
