...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
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