I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
