i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize