I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
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