Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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