I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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