Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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