saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
