Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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