Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
