Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Randomize
