i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
