How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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