maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
