you're like a bully in the Christmas story
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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