ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
