dude i'm inner monologue high
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
