We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
