I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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