Tell her she can't have a vagina
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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