I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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