The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
