LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
