i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
