Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
