he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
