I molested 6 butterflies tonight
one two three fourrrrnication!
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Randomize
