today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
