Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
