We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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