My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
