I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
