Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
