Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
