life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
