Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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