i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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