Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
