Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
