Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
He felt like a one man threesome
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I have grass duct taped all over my body
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
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