Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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