how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Randomize
