Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Im part way to drunk.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
