In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
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