he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Randomize
