i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
time to smoke my breakfast
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Randomize
