I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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