My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
