I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
