I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
