So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Randomize
